thoughtsfromthepanda

I do my best thinking while driving. I drive a Fiat Panda.

Heart sore

Dear Blog.

Nice to be back.

Sadly, I am not my usual ‘every cloud has a silver lining/the glass is half-full/I can do this; yes I can’ self today. (Sorry President Obama, you actually didn’t invent that last one; you just globalised it, and good on you by the way and yes, I’m a fan, but just for the record I was there all by myself with the Yes One Can scenario like I said.)

I digress.

Today I am heart sore.

I am heart sore for a few reasons.

Where to start.

I am heart sore today because.

Amongst others.

Not a completely comprehensive list.

Because my father is so fragile now.

Because of the Oscar Pistorius ‘fallen hero’ desperate, desperate story that has been invading us through the media for nearly two weeks now. So many lives ruined. So, so many. So much human sorrow encapsulated in the bitter story of this fallen demi-god.

Because my father is so fragile now.

Because little Layla died a week ago, despite so much love and hope and optimism and energy and goodwill that got poured into her brave, wonderful mother’s ‘Love for Layla’ campaign’ and the bravery of the little girl herself. And their family, and the community at large.

Because my father is so fragile now.

Because little Adam’s  condition is unlikely to improve significantly unless stem cell research and miracles come together super-fast, like, oh, say, no really – super fast.

Because my father is so fragile now.

Because of the children – yes, children – who are raped and stabbed and left for dead and outright murdered in South Africa every day. Male and female, birth to teens. Cry, the beloved country. Cry. For shame.

Because my father is so fragile now.

Because of the corruption and ineptitude that seems to be endemic around us at the moment. For shame, I say again. For shame

Because my father is so fragile now.

Because today I am not in my twenties and I now know I am not invincible.

Because sorrow has etched its way across my heart.

Because I can’t fix it.

Any of it.

None at all.

I will look for silver linings again tomorrow. Today, I am heart sore.

Because my father is so fragile now.

And because my mother is so brave.

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2 thoughts on “Heart sore

  1. Dearest Friend, I echo your sentiments and send you lots of love. xxx

  2. Darling Vivienne – I resonate with your feelings. Nothing one can say lifts the pain of watching a beloved one suffering. Nothing. But I have watched people in pain and fragility ‘tune’ in to something beyond our ken.
    I remember my mother when she was leaving her body slowly; her one eye closed with a bandage the other sapphire-blue eye looked into my soul,a soft smile on her lips, she said: ‘I am so sorry I have to leave you.’
    Our only respite is to turn in contemplation to that part of our spiritual being- God, the Divine Source (whatever we may wish to call it) , somehow we begin to understand and it does help a little.
    I love you all and send my love to you, Frank, the boys, Linda and especially darling Ralph.

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