thoughtsfromthepanda

I do my best thinking while driving. I drive a Fiat Panda.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow: songs of an unfolding heart

Sometimes the songs and the music of your life’s personal soundtrack arrive when you are still too young and inexperienced to appreciate their significance, or even the true meaning of some of the words. And yet, because it’s part of the soundtrack of your life, the words haunt you and stay with you from youth to less youthful.

And then one day you wake up and find you can put them in some kind of sequence.

Relate them to those you love.

Realise why the song always spoke to you, when love and sorrow and even some kinds of special joy had not yet properly crossed the threshold of your life.

Yes.

“Ahhhhhhh,” you think, “I get it now. Ah yes…”

Here are a few of the songs from my personal soundtrack: far from all – just a hand-picked few for now because otherwise this post would have been even longer.

All together now: violins, guitars, piano, voices. Especially voices.

Begin.

(Click on the song titles for the video/audio links.)

John Denver

Sweet surrender

I like to imagine these words playing in the background when my future husband, then aged just 17 to my 12, was trudging along a road in the semi-desert close to the Namibian border, forlorn and alone. I like to think that the promise of me in his future was there all the while in the heat mist swirling up from the tarmac; while his soul yearned for freedom from the emotional pain and something in him still clung to a belief in better days to come.  

John Denver

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Travelled by many remembered by few
Looking for something that I can believe in
Looking for something that I’d like to do with my life

There’s nothing behind me and nothing that ties me
To something that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be here today

And I don’t know what the future is holding in store
I don’t know where I’m going, I’m not sure where I’ve been
There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the living, I don’t need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender
Live, live without care
Like a fish in the water
Like a bird in the air

Sweet, sweet surrender
Live, live without care
Like a fish in the water
Like a bird in the air

Guns ’n Roses

Sweet child o’ mine

Late teens; early twenties. Sisters. Experiencing moments of telepathy across the ocean. Crying with laughter at elephant-in-the fridge jokes on the kitchen floor – the same laugh coming out of two siblings’ mouths in a funny kind of stereo. Snaking separately through the crowd at The Doors when the song played, summonsing us to meet on the dance floor. An invisible spotlight shines on us as I look back – together, we were invincible!

To Pook, from Seet-sah. It will be okay even when it’s not. Love in abundance!

axl_rose

She’s got a smile it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I’d stare too long
I’d probably break down and cry

Oh, oh, oh
Sweet child o’ mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Sweet love of mine

She’s got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I’d hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Oh, oh, oh
Sweet child o’ mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Sweet love of mine

Nick Cave

Are you the one that I’ve been waiting for?

This one is for all those times when I had to keep believing that the right person was still out there, knowing that if I did not believe, my fundamental faith in a mostly-positive universe would crack irrevocably and change me into someone I was not meant to be. This one became part of our wedding music.

Nick Cave

I’ve felt you coming girl, as you drew near
I knew you’d find me, cause I longed you here
Are you my destiny? Is this how you’ll appear?
Wrapped in a coat with tears in your eyes?
Well take that coat babe, and throw it on the floor
Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?

As you’ve been moving, surely toward me
My soul has comforted and assured me
That in time my heart it will reward me
And that all will be revealed
So I’ve sat and I’ve watched an ice-age thaw
Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?

Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed
They’re only little tears, darling, let them spill
And lay your head upon my shoulder
Outside my window the world has gone to war
Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?

O we will know… won’t we?
The stars will explode in the sky
But they don’t… do they?
Stars have their moment and then they die

There’s a man who spoke wonders though I’ve never met him
He said, “He who seeks, finds, and who knocks will be let in”
I think of you in motion and just how close you are getting
And how every little thing anticipates you
All down my veins my heart-strings call
Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?

Cowboy Junkies

If you were the woman and I was the man

This one celebrates the romantic in me and the beginnings, finally of an ‘us’ . Unexpectedly, I said “I love you” first. I was that brave because it was right. (I like this live version of the song featuring John Prine’s gravelly guest vocals.)

Cowboy Junkies

(she)

If you were the woman and I was the man

Would I send you yellow roses

Would I dare to kiss your hand?
In the morning would I caress you
Like the wind caresses the sand,
If you were the woman and I was the man?

(he)

If I was the woman and you were the man

Would you send me yellow roses
Would you dare to kiss my hand?
In the morning would you caress me
As the wind caresses the sand,
If I was  the woman and you were the man?

(both)

If I was the heart and you were the head

Would you think me very foolish
If one day I decided to shed
These walls that surround me
Just to see where these feelings led,
If I was the heart and you were the head?

(she)

If I was the woman and you were the man

Would I laugh if you came to me
With your heart in your hand
And said, ‘I offer you this freely
I will give you all that I can
Because you are the woman
And I am the man?

 

Colbie Caillat

Bubbly

Such a funny little love song this – so sweet and innocent, and probably this is why it’s my love song for my children: for their bubbly faces, their sweetness, their innocence and the way that they make me smile. They can be tiring years, when your children are young; physically and mentally exhausting sometimes, but I’m trying to hold on to this stage for as long as I can.

Vivienne boys DStroom

Will you count me in?

I’ve been awake for a while now
you’ve got me feelin like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
wherever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
wherever you go

The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin dry and warm
you give me feelins that I adore

It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
wherever it goes
I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

What am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just……..mmmmmm

Zucchero

Il Volo (my love)

This is the song that pulls at your heartstrings long before you have ever been tempted to walk out the door during the bad times. This is the song for anyone who will ever think – with your heart breaking at the time – that you just might not come back. This is the song that gets you with its pain and its joy and its breathtaking emotion, perhaps before you have even come close to understanding the emotion’s true depth.

Pavarotti and friends

Stray cat in a mad dog city
Nine ways to sorrow
A moment’s all it takes to say goodbye

I’m waiting

Wild cat in a sad dog story
Nine roads to follow
A moment’s all it takes to say goodbye

For all the love that’s torn us, for us
For all the pain so sweet
Say you won’t, say you won’t leave

My love, I’m dreaming of one girl
Someone to make my world
Someone just like you
My love, the girl that I’m dreamin’
To give me that feeling
Someone just like you

Lost cat in a dead end story
Nine lines that echo
A moment’s all it takes to say goodbye

I’m waiting

Stray cat in a mad dog city
Nine lives to borrow
A moment’s all it takes to say goodbye

For all the love before us, for us
For all the pain so sweet
Say you won’t, say you won’t leave

My love, I’m dreaming of one girl
Someone to make my world
Someone just like you
My love, the girl that I’m dreamin’
To give me that feeling
Someone just like you

Siamo caduti in volo, mio sole (We fell while flying, my sun)
Siamo caduti in volo (We fell while flying)
Siamo caduti in volo, mio cielo (We fell while flying, my sky)
Siamo caduti in volo (We fell while flying)

Gonna paint this town, for you
Turn it upside down
Say you won’t, say you won’t leave

Runrig

This beautiful pain

Runrig2

I write this with tears in my eyes as my father’s frailty; his subjugation to his illness seems to grow so much faster than we had ever imagined. Fittingly it is a Scotsman’s voice in this love song; this ballad and this lament that I copy down for my Scottish father, who seems threatening now to fade like the light in the song words below.

My father, Ralph, has loved my mother, Linda, all the days I have known them – and she in turn has loved him. How lucky I am to have seen this shared love for so many decades.

I have appreciated the beautiful lyrics of this song since I first returned to my Scottish homeland as a young adult and felt the hills calling me with an insistent voice I recognised  and responded to immediately. I particularly like the section that says, “You put all of my youth in my future. You put the future back into my past”, and I had always thought this to be a love song for me and mine. And perhaps it is also that, but right here, in this time right now, it is my father’s love song for my mother.

I have only just understood this.

Linda and Ralph in St Peter's Square

Day was young and desire was stirred.

Summer was all but gone.

Light was fading from the side of your face.

Sinking low in the corn.

All that’s constant and wise

I still see in your eyes

It was always this way from the start.

Right here where I stand on the last of the land.

But you’re still breaking the heart.

Now all I have is rushing right through my hands.

Sailing over the seas.

Down that tide where fresh and salt combine.

All victories are released.

We who wrestle the years

Have traded our fears

For a glimpse of ecstasy in the dark.

Turning ice in the fire but still we’re denied.

But you’re still breaking the heart.

The skies turned red without failure.

They held their promise and dread till the last.

You put all of my youth in my future.

You put the future back into my past.

So shine a light and shine it brightly now.

You know it all takes its course.

And all the many ways I’ve tried so hard

To reach this potent source.

On the day behind time across the divide.

Along the cord came all light out of dark.

Now I stand amazed in this beautiful pain.

But you’re still breaking the heart.

Midge Ure

Breathe

 This is the song of my youth and the song of myself.

This is a song that speaks to my idealistic core.

It reminds me of the unfolding young adult I once was, who struggled to combine poetry and beauty with the bittersweet realisation that life is not always malleable when you want to shape and bend it to your will.  

I did not yet know for whom I was going to breathe – and who in turn was going to breathe for me – but this was my song when it was my turn to sense the spirit of the future still destined to cross my path as part of the unfolding Plan.

This is my little bit of inspiration when times are tough, and even more so when they are good.

Always remember to breathe.

Midge+Ure

With every waking breath I breathe
I see what life has dealt to me
With every sadness I deny
I feel a chance inside me die

Give me a taste of something new
To touch to hold to pull me through
Send me a guiding light that shines
Across this darkened life of mine

Breathe some soul in me
Breathe your gift of love to me
Breathe life to lay ‘fore me
Breathe to make me breathe

…This life prepares the strangest things
The dreams we dream of; what life brings
The highest highs can turn around
To sow love’s seeds on stony ground

Breathe…

Thank you to all the artists who have produced my life’s sound track to date. Thank you now most particularly to:

John Denver

Guns ‘n Roses

Nick Cave

The Cowboy Junkies

Colbie Caillat

Zucchero

Runrig

Midge Ure.

 

My life has been infinitely more musical because of all of you.

And thank you to Frank – who notably has also played and sung live for an audience – for making so much of my sound track come to life.

Frank guitar 1

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One thought on “Yesterday, today and tomorrow: songs of an unfolding heart

  1. Frank on said:

    Just re-read your music blog again; truly lovely.x

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